Matthew Vegas! - :Fashion.Bomb.Terrorist: (agentparanoia) wrote,
Matthew Vegas! - :Fashion.Bomb.Terrorist:

slapped in the face, again.

I'll concede that it has been great, but it is deffinately bitersweet in many ways. I used to just find so much joy and interest in the simple stuff.. but being on as much -stuff latelyas I am, my emotions are dulled to a point where I finally feel like they can't overwhelm me, but I lose the feelings of happiness and joy. I also lose most of my ability to be empathetic, and I can't understand what others are feeling.
These dull blue eyes just look coldly from my grim-passive face, over run by that emotional apathy I used to find oh so appealing.
I just don't care anymore, as long as I can get ..there, every day, every hour/minute/second: as much as humanly possible, and for as long as possible and no one stands in my way. or adds a smartass remark about it, like they do.
--man, I'm just existing in what I feel like is my punishment; for getting to feel so good.. so much of the time, in the past.
with no regard or care, reckeless abandonment, selfish little prick, feed that monkey, boy, 'yes sir'..
Tags: all alone, arizona, cheap motel, daily dose, feelings, mental refill, mind distortion, monkey, opiod, organ grind, rx, southwest noddin', trapped, tucson arizona
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